Thursday, August 14, 2014

my basal ganglia made me do it

This is going to be yet another random post, so I apologize. I've been feeling SO uninspired to blog lately... not that I don't have thoughts swirling around, but because I feel like they're not big/important/fleshed-out enough to blog about. Here's what's on my mind today:

  • Still not pregnant, but I have a good feeling about this month. My cycle seems to be progressing in a textbook-like fashion, and we're doing all we can, so I'm confident. (Check with me in 2.5 weeks to see if this confidence is warranted.)
  • This morning was definitely an autopilot sort of morning. I don't remember a good 2-3 minute segment of my drive in to work; I "woke up" at an intersection and thought "How did I get here?" For those of you who don't have nerd-like knowledge of the brain, it's the basal ganglia that causes the autopilot. 
  • I'm not going to talk on and on about the death of Robin Williams. It's been done, and done well. I feel like I don't really have anything to add to the conversation. I will say that the other night when C and I were getting into bed, he said to me, "What do you think the odds are that we'll find out that he had cancer or something?" I gave him this look like "wtf are you talking about?" and said "Umm... super low." and he said "Oh. So it was just the depression, you think? Hm." I've talked before about how C doesn't really understand what it feels like to have depression, although he thinks that he does. This just really underscored that. I shouldn't have let it, but it kindof hurt my feelings. Saying something like "just the depression" takes away from the power that depression holds over someone who has it. Sigh.
  • Speaking of sigh-worthy things, my sister's going through a bit of a rough time right now (not going to air her dirty laundry for the internet-reading public), and it makes me wish SO BADLY that she was close and that I could fix things for her. Obviously neither are true at the moment, so I'm struggling a bit. She's very much parenting practice for me. My future kids thank you, soeur. :)
  • I'm wearing a strapless bra today and already regretting it. Is it time to go home yet?
  • Tomorrow is payday. This pleases me.
  • Grover has been a recalcitrant teenager lately. It's a good thing he's so cute.


  1. Grover is adorable.

    Just the depression...that would light a fire in me for sure.

    Hope things are looking up for your sister soon. It's hard to be physically far when things go wrong. Sometimes you just want to give or take a hug.

  2. Ha ha I love this picture of your dog - goofy dogs are just the best! Good luck this month, I will be crossing my fingers for you.

  3. I have been uninspired lately with my blog, too... but I think I might be turning a corner. Also, can we talk about how I love you even more now b/c your blog post title included something about the basal ganglia? You're the best.

  4. I've been feeling the same way. It's not that I don't have anything to say, it's just that I go to write but nothing comes out and then it's just...would anyone care anyway? Very uninspired, indeed.
    What C said would have not sat well with me either. I didn't know your history but just read the post you linked and it sounds A LOT like mine. It sounds like C is a lot like Ben, too. He thankfully has a very good understanding of depression and knows how fortunate he is not NOT really know what it's like, but I still get frustrated with him sometimes just knowing (and being envious, if I'm being honest) that he'll never truly understand.

  5. aw how cute is Grover!
    I am the same way with Robin Williams, I feel like I can't say anything as well or add to all the things that have already been said. I understand what C said, it would have hurt my feelings as well, my husband says things like that sometimes that bug me because he doesn't understand. I have never suffered from depression, but I did have eating disorders from about 12-18 and my husband often makes remarks about how he feels fat (he's not) and other stuff and we have had conversations about how this will impact future children, especially girls, but he just doesn't get it. Sigh.
    Good luck with baby making :) my fingers are crossed for you.