random shit from a depression-addled mind

Hi everybody. I'm still here (barely). I've pretty much spiraled down into the depths of a depression that I haven't seen in 5 years. And let me tell you, boy howdy is it fun. Yes, I'm seeing a therapist again, and yes, I'm talking to my doctor about going back on my meds again (since clearly this whole tapering idea was a horrible one), but in the meantime, you get this me. I'm charming. You're welcome.

tabless thursday

I admit that I'm REALLY bad about staying focused. On more than one occasion I have blamed this on technology (believe it or not, I was better focused as a child!), and when I saw this video I knew I had to share it. Enjoy, and perhaps try your own #TablessThursday!

random confessions

I haven't linked up with Kathy in awhile, so get ready for some random fun!!

dreams are for the young

Do you ever have the feeling that you really missed your chance to do a certain thing in your life? Not necessarily a regret... just a wistfulness that comes from hindsight? I used to feel that way about becoming an Olympic gymnast (p.s.- I never would have been good enough for that. It just looked fun.), but I digress.

my basal ganglia made me do it

This is going to be yet another random post, so I apologize. I've been feeling SO uninspired to blog lately... not that I don't have thoughts swirling around, but because I feel like they're not big/important/fleshed-out enough to blog about. Here's what's on my mind today:

every inch of you is perfect

I didn't really participate in the "Don't Try So Hard" linkup with The Florkens this week, mostly because I never wear makeup and so it seemed a little disingenuous to act like it was something that I had to actively do. On a related note, however, this song has been on the radio for the past couple of weeks, and I can't get enough of it. It's catchy, AND it's written for girls who look like me :)

Yeah, it's pretty clear, I ain't no size two
But I can shake it, shake it
Like I'm supposed to do
Cause I got that boom boom that all the boys chase
And all the right junk in all the right places

#loveyourselfie

a letter to my former self

Dear Marcie,

Happy birthday, and welcome to being a teenager. Only a few more months until you'll be in high school! Don't freak out too much; it's just like middle school, only people are generally nicer (and less hormonal). And the high school building smells a lot less. Middle school is the worst.

I wanted to take this opportunity to tell you a few things. You see, I have the benefit of hindsight, and they say it's 20/20. I'm not going to give you ALL the answers, but here are some pieces of advice that you'll understand as you get older.

First and foremost, you are skinny. I know you don't think that you are because your stomach isn't perfectly flat, but believe me when I say you'll never again be as thin as you are now. Embrace it.

Secondly, you're going to meet a guy this summer and fall in love with him. You're going to be sure that you and this guy are going to get married. You're not. Although it will end painfully (he's going to break up with you in a letter. in the mail.), let it happen. It will be practice for the truly EPIC breakups that are to come (hint: you'll survive those too). The guy you end up marrying will be 100x more awesome than any of them.

Don't get too caught up in the cattiness of your friendships right now. Of course, it's important to have good friends, and you've got a few, but after high school ends you're never going to talk to these people again. I know, you don't believe me and that's fine. You'll see. Speaking of, don't dumb yourself down just because your current group of friends isn't as smart as you. I know that being smart doesn't make you feel very cool, but pretty soon you're going to get over yourself (and those girls aren't really going to be your friends anymore) and you're going to be annoyed that the only reason you don't graduate from high school with a 4.0 is because you wanted to be "cool." Smart is cool. You'll learn that as you get older.

On a related note, move away immediately after high school. It's going to be hard, and you're going to have to fight and claw your way out, but it's going to be worth every meltdown and every dollar spent. Trust me on this. That town is not a place where good things happen for people. Get out.

Be nice to your sister. I know she's an annoying little brat, but she's going to grow up to be an amazing woman and the very best friend that you have. You don't regret much in your life, but you're going to regret all the times you were mean to her. Go give her a hug. Yes, right now. Go on-- she's a pretty cute little kid.

You're going to screw up between now and when you're my age. A LOT. Sometimes epically. Don't let it paralyze you. Pick yourself up and move on. It's not going to be the last time that you screw up. No one has died yet.

A bonus pro-tip: Your mother is (almost) always right. I know, I can't believe it either. Trust me, her rightness never gets less annoying. One day, though, you're going to be my age and really understand how right your mom was all of these years. Also, I know you're telling yourself now that you're never going to be an old mom (like your mom), but you're going to eat those words. It's ok. I know 22 or 23 seems really old to you right now, but it's really not. You're still going to be figuring yourself out until you're at least 26. When you're my age, you're going to be really glad that you weren't a young mom. You'd have screwed it all up.

Your life's gonna be great, kid. Great in ways you can't even imagine now. It's not going to ALL be sunshine and roses, but everything that you do in your life changes you and makes you into the smart and awesome person that I am. I'm positive that you're rolling your eyes at me right now. I wouldn't expect anything else. You are only 13, after all. Maybe tone down the angst just a touch though. It's unbecoming.

Enjoy your birthday and your teenage years.  And when you first hear of a company called Google, buy all the shares of stock that you can afford. Borrow money if you need to. Just trust me on that one.

Love,
Marcie

---

Linking up with Jana at Jana Says.

thank fsm it's friday

I haven't ever linked up with Amanda for Friday Favorites, but my Bloglovin feed was full of linked-up posts this morning so I'm jumping on the bandwagon. Here are the things that are making me happy this week:

I don't believe...

Hi friends! Sorry for the hiatus-- I've been feeling kindof uninspired lately. Work has been kind of crazy, so my brain is just tired. Wanted to link up with Kathy today though for Humpday Confessions! For this week's confession, I've made a list of things that I don't believe in. Feel free to send hate mail. :)

oh happy day

Yesterday was a big day in the state of Indiana. The District Court for the Southern District of Indiana declared Indiana's laws banning same-sex marriage to be unconstitutional. If you don't agree that this is a wonderful thing, go away now. I have no tolerance for you.

#100happydays

I'm late to this party (it seems that I'm late to every party), but I'm going to attempt this 100 Happy Days challenge. I think it'll be good for me in a lot of ways:

1. It'll get me posting to Instagram more regularly
2. It will (hopefully) make me better about focusing on/remembering all the good things that happen in my day-to-day life. It's so easy to focus on the negatives.
3. As I transition into officially TTC, I'll probably have my share of "BFN" days (both literally and figuratively). This should help keep me from ruminating on small setbacks.

Also, apparently if you finish the entire challenge, they send you a little book with your pictures in it! How cute! So here I go... today's Day 1! :)

the r word -- an open letter to jenji kohan

Dear Jenji Kohan,

My love for Orange is the New Black knows no bounds... well, I suppose it knows exactly one bound. Seriously, there are so many things I love about this show, but the one thing that I don't love? Its use of the R word-- "retarded."

the day i became a real runner

Linking up with Kathy at Vodka and Soda for Humpday Confessions (everyone's favorite part of the week)

mid-week randomness

This is what's on my mind today:

• Screen-free week is equal parts awesome and kindof a drag. It's why I haven't really been around this week (oops). Don't worry, I'm working on a recap to share on Sunday.
  
• I can't believe my baby sister is going to be gone in less than 2 months. This is NOT acceptable. In a way, I'm sort of grateful to her for giving me this all-important parenting practice. Hopefully I'll remember it when my own kids grow up and move away. [As a side note, I'm medium terrified of having to deal with my mother when Haley moves.]
  
• Selling shit on eBay is sometimes awesome. Yesterday, I sold my old-ass Kindle for $83. What?!
  
• I really love the library. I mean, books and movies for free? Don't mind if I do! However, I do wish that there was a branch closer to my house. (Honestly, it's not all that far. I'm just really lazy.)
  
• I've just started working on a project at work that I've been dreading ever since I was voluntold for it. I'm secretly kindof enjoying it now that it's actually happening. Perhaps I'm finally figuring out what I want to do when I grow up...
  
• I can't wait to go meet my friend Jayne's brand new baby this weekend. He's got a mushy face, and I'm loving it.

What's going on in your world today?

i didn't have a heart attack today

Strangely enough, I mean that in the literal sense.

screen-free week

So yesterday I was in a staff meeting and one of my coworkers mentioned that she had gotten a note from her daughter's daycare saying that it was "Screen-Free Week" and to please eliminate their kids' screen time for the week. She was really pretty indignant about it, but I was intrigued. Apparently, this is an actual thing, not just something at her daycare.

reasons i'm a terrible blogger

Linking up with Kathy for Humpday Confessions!

back in my day

Linking up with Steph for this fun trip back in time :)

epiphany

Well, I followed through on my word and went on a nearly-10-mile run on Saturday morning. When you average 16 minutes per mile, going 10 miles takes a serious chunk of time. When you have that amount of time, the mind tends to wander a bit. This wandering led to an epiphany of sorts for me.

the White River in the early morn

well, *that* was interesting

So orientation was last night. During and after the meeting, this is how I felt (because everything in my life can be related to Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory):