wishing

I've been a planner for as long as I can remember. I'm happiest when I have a tangible goal and am actively working toward achieving it. As such, I'm not always very good at living in the present. I am always anxiously waiting for the next thing on the horizon-- that moment when I achieve my next goal. When I was younger, my mother would chastise me. "You're wishing your life away, Marcie!" she would say.

Last night was a hard night. Clearing up miscommunications almost always leads to tears. Sometimes C couches his words to avoid hurting my feelings, and sometimes I hear only what I want to. The combination doesn't always end well in the long run, when we both realize we're talking about 2 different things.

Being married is harder than anyone will ever tell you. In some ways, it's surprising that it's evolutionarily adaptive AT ALL. I suppose it is a relatively new construct that spouses be partners and to marry for love instead of for convenience or social stature or the man's ability to provide. But still. It's a wonder that cavewoman didn't accidentally kill caveman because she heard "Shoot me" instead of "Do me." The intricacies of communication are not a joke. :)

We do the best we can, and we're getting better at this whole marriage thing. It's just going to take some time. Probably a good thing that we're pushing off having kids. Maybe we'll have it together by then ;)