perception

There is a psychiatric disorder known as Body Dysmorphic Disorder. It occurs when people see flaws that don't exist when they look at themselves in a mirror.

While it's not a psychiatric disorder, sometimes I feel like I suffer from anti-BDD. When I look in the mirror, I don't see myself as I actually look. Then when I look at pictures of myself, I am disgusted by myself in a visceral way that I can't quite describe. There is a phenomenon that explains why this reaction occurs for most people, but I don't think that's what's occurring with me.

When I see myself in the mirror, I see a pretty girl. She has a nice face, a good smile. She weighs a little more than she should, but not too much. Overall, a nice image. A pretty girl.

When I look at myself in pictures, I see what everyone else sees... and it's not pretty.

 

 

 

Who is that fat girl in those pictures? And why on earth is that one of her favorite outfits? Oh wait, that fat girl is ME?! Sigh.